FOUR OLD PENNSIC WHORES

There is a song, out there, called Four Old Whores of Baltimore. I heard it at MarsCon, and realized that it would be extremely easy to filk as a Pennsic song. Note that there are certain campfires around which even I, at my most depraved, will not sing this. But then, there's others where I will.

There were four old whores at the Pennsic War

Drinking the blood-red wine

And the theme of their conversation was

“Mine is bigger than thine.”

[CHORUS]

Through me roly poly, tickle me holey
Smell o’ me slimey slough
and drag your nuts across me guts
I’m one of the whorey crew

“You're a liar,” said the first whore

“Mine is deep as the Bog

I love to tickle me fancy

With an un-split firewood log.”

[CHORUS]

“You're a liar,” said the second

“Mine's so deep and wide

When Ogre tried to mount me

Well, he got lost inside.”

[CHORUS]

“You're a liar,”, said the third whore

“Behold my pit of sin

I took three Dukes and a Pelican

And they ain't been seen again.”

[CHORUS]

“You're a liar,” said the last one

“Mine is the biggest yet

I took in the Tuchux Army

And never even broke a sweat!”

[CHORUS] x2

Original is public domain, parody by Erich von Kleinfeld aka Dexter Guptill